My friend Julie had a problem with her neighbour that illustrates how boundaries work.
Her neighbour would walk through her garden as a short cut to throw his cut grass over into the field, he would trample over her plants whilst doing this too. Julie felt annoyed but didn’t say anything, she was worried about the confrontation. Months passed & she would sometimes get in from work and find her neighbours dog had got in her garden and left a nice pile of poo!
She STILL didn’t say anything for fear of being thought of as a moaner by him or the other neighbours, but she was getting more and more stressed and angry inside & complaining to all of her friends.
Finally after a long day at work Julie got home to find her neighbours kids playing in her garden along with the empty crisp bags & cartons of drink blowing all over the place! The children quickly scarpered when they saw her, but she was now fuming! You could nearly see the steam coming out of her ears! She ended up blowing up at the neighbour & now they don’t speak at all.
The boundaries here can be a bit of a grey area, as nothing had ever been said and none were set. Julie’s neighbour may have just thought that she didn’t mind.
The situation would have been much better for everyone if Julie had of said something from the start, like “ I’m sure you don’t realise, but your treading all over my flowers when you cut through my garden as a short cut, so can you please use the public pathway instead”
It may have felt a little uncomfortable to say, but it would have soon been forgotten & would have set a strong boundary in place that would have put a stop to the other situations as well.
Sometimes it’s good to be flexible, but without any boundaries at all, you’re going to have dogs s******* all over your garden! You may have already experienced the human equivalent to this!
Start setting those boundaries today!
Love, Sally X